Eschew Obfuscation

I went to the doctor today. The two broken teeth I have up front have been hurting me a lot. There was also a sore on my scalp that was oozing a bit. It didn’t hurt too much to start out, just stung a bit. Then last night the glands on the side of my neck and head got all swollen and were hurting a lot. Today when I woke up they were worse and my scalp hurt, jaw hurt, pretty much my entire left side from the neck up were just terrible. It was pretty bad. So M brought me into town to see the doctor. Turns out I have a tooth infection (which I figured) and a staph infection in my scalp (this was a surprise). Apparently, the gland that was the most swollen on the back of my head is specific to the scalp region. I’m on quite a strong dosage of antibiotics now and a pain killer so if this gets rambly or doesn’t make sense, that’s the reason. I’m glad I went because I noticed the start of other sores in different areas of my scalp. They don’t hurt but neither did the first sore at first.

After the doctor and pharmacy we stopped by my mom’s house. We were talking and such while my brother and his wife were outside, talking with some of his friends. My sister and sister in law decided to go to the park. Later, we got a text from my sister asking that someone come pick them up. Apparently, my brother was there and was being mean. I went to pick up my sister and my sister in law, but SIL wouldn’t get in the car. So we left. My brother was calling SIL derogatory names and telling her to leave him the “F” alone. Later my SIL told me that my brother had been trying to go and get drugs. She wouldn’t leave him alone because she knew he was going off to do something stupid. I told SIL next time he tries to she could tell him that she’ll contact his probation officer. I’m not sure it would work but it might make him think twice. He told mom SHE was the one being “immature” and he couldn’t talk to someone being such a “bitch”. I wish he’d treat her better because I’m pretty sure she’s the only one who would ever put up with his drama. He’s a drug addict, manipulative, mean spirited person. He’s been doing so much better but like SIL said, “It only takes ONE time to mess everything up.” I pray that he finds the strength to stay clean and on this path of doing so much better for himself.  SIL told me that my brother was talking to her and my mom, and saying that he and SIL have a much better relationship than M and I. SIL asked him, “How do you figure?!”. I told SIL that it wasn’t a competition, and that every relationship has it’s ups and downs, they all take work. I thought about it though and I really do believe that our relationship is stronger than theirs. Maybe that makes me prideful but I can’t help it. SIL and Brother break up all the time, cheat on each other, get into physical and verbal abusive fights, etc. How can I not feel that M and I are better suited for each other?

M and I have been watching Heroes. I love this show.

I’m getting pretty sleepy though and not feeling that great. I think I’ll go lie down now and enjoy some time with my husband. 🙂

Add a comment 2011/04/13

Don’t ask me, I’m making this up as I go!

Today was amazing. The weather was beautiful and M, my brother, my sister, mom,  and my sister in law all headed to the local park for a picnic. After that we went to the Nature Park and wandered around. Mom’s back started hurting pretty bad so we dropped her back off and then went back to the Nature Park where we walked the trails and took lots and lots of pictures. It was a very mentally healing day. It made me feel incredible to spend so much time with my family. I rely on my family very much for mental stability. I’m trying to break away from them and be more independent but when I do I can’t seem to function. I get so depressed.

I believe the weekend was healing partly because I got to hang out with my brother. See, my brother got into drugs and became VERY abusive and mean. He’s been clean and is doing a lot better. It’s nice to have him back. Him and his wife are getting along a lot better too. I’m very proud of him, it’s nice to have him back.

I dyed my hair today too. It’s a lighter brown, more summer-ish. It’s also getting longer. I took pictures of myself and my cleavage was showing in the pics and M said he didn’t want me to put them on the internet. Then he was upset with himself for being controlling about it. I told him I didn’t mind at all, and I don’t. I understand. I edited the pics and put the more modest ones up. Why would I be upset about my husband not wanting sexy photos of me on the internet? I explained to him that I am submissive to him. He is the man in the relationship. Maybe it’s old fashioned and people will disagree, especially feminists (although, I’d like to point out the feminism is a choice and I CHOOSE to obey my husband.), but this is how I believe our marriage will work. With G-d in our marriage, following his laws, we won’t fall apart. So many marriages disintegrate and I believe it’s lack of trying, lack of G-d, and lack of prayer that causes this. It’s too easy to get divorced nowadays. People give up so easily. I’m not totally opposed to divorce. My parents got divorced after 14 years, BUT, my father was into some terrible things which I’d rather not get into in this post, he refused to get counseling, and was very abusive. In that case it made sense for my mother to leave. I’d also like to point out that my mother never remarried, never dated, never put her children in a dangerous situation with strange men. She believes in a Christian marriage, even though the papers said she was divorced, G-d says you’re married til death.

Anyway, all of us ended up going to McDonalds to enjoy an ice cream cone after wards. It was delicious. M and I paid for everyone but it was only 2.70 for all of us to get an ice cream cone.  Not too bad.

M has a job interview tomorrow at a local factory. I’m praying like crazy that he gets this job. It would solve a lot of our problems. We need an income bad. I’m applying at a local pizza place as well. I’m going to try to get in as a delivery driver. We have 2 vehicles, I think I”d use the truck. It’s older and I’d rather not put the wear and tear on our nicer car. If I can get in as a delivery driver that would be awesome because I’d make tips. I love the tipping industry. Sometimes I hate it though too, on bad nights, haha. My other thought is to apply at the sandwich making place here, and there is a restaurant up the road that uses waitresses. I need a job. My phone is shut off, good thing I was smart enough to put in applications with M’s phone number!

M and I have been watching Heroes on Netflix. I LOVE this show.

I think my husband is probably the sweetest man ever. For example, he wears my  dog tags from my time in the Army. I love that. It’s so sweet. He also wears my tan ACU t shirts. They fit him better than his other shirts. He’s lost so much weight in the past year. We bought a pair of jeans at the Salvation Army for around 3 dollars and they look incredible on him. I can’t wait for us to have some money and go back to the thrift store to get more clothes that will fit him.

I guess I should end this post. I’ll put up a picture from our wonderful time at the park today.

This is true love!

We had such a wonderful time. I’m still giddy over the day!

Add a comment 2011/04/11

Life isn’t fair, but it’s still good.

M and I spent some time yesterday in nearby town getting things done for school and then he got his license renewed. While waiting for him to talk to his adviser I discovered some of the classes I’ll be taking for my Sociology degree. While most I’m fine with I have to admit I’m completely freaking out over these math classes. Geometry? Statistics? Eep! Let me just tell you that I have a VERY hard time when it comes to numbers. I get them all jumbled up a lot. I can know exactly how to do a formula, be doing it fairly flawlessly, and then the next day I will look at it and have no idea where to even start. It took me a very long time to even learn the basics. My math skills are limited to being able to balance a check book, find the better deal at the store, etc. I’m not completely clueless, I just have a harder time than most people. It’s due to a learning disability called dyscalculia.  Well, at least after going to this site Dyscalcula at least I’m seeing the Geometry might not be as hard as I was originally thinking.

We did find out that M is only around three or four classes away from finishing at the community college and switching to University (Pre-Med). I’m so very proud of him! He’s one step closer to having the career he’s dreamt about all his life and being able for us to live our lives the way we’ve discussed. While I do plan on getting a college degree, eventually it’s been decided that I’m going to stay home and make our home. I’m not opposed to working completely, I may work part time, but especially when the kids come a long we think it’s important that I be home for them. So, he’ll be a wonderful doctor. I’ll have my Sociology degree (POSSIBLY may have changed that major, may switch to being a counselor instead of a social worker…we’ll see where G-d leads me.) and I’m sure that when M and my children are grown I’ll work full time. It’ll just be good to have the degree to fall back on. I don’t want to be completely useless if my husband and I reach a point of financial stress that I need to go back to work for. I am sure G-d would want us to be prepared. I am also positive that G-d wants us to expand our minds and be the best people that we can be.

I see that M has been looking at the Harvard transfer program. I’m praying that if this is where he wants to go, that G-d find us a way to get there and live comfortably. We don’t need to be rich; I’m absolutely FINE shopping at thrift stores, living in a studio apartment, and keeping our materialistic objects to a minimum. I know we’d make it work, no matter where we ended up moving. At first M was saying we’d stay here because I’m starting school. I told him we could stay here if he absolutely wanted but that I can go to community college just about anywhere. It’s important that he go to a good university and then be able to get into a good med school. I support whatever decision he makes in regard to this, it’s his career and education after all, but I know that when I look at a doctor’s degree on the wall I want to have heard of the school he went to, haha!

I’ve really been wishing I had some chalks. I’d love to start drawing again and I was always pretty good with chalks. I can draw some pretty still life pictures. I’m also pretty good with flowers.

Oh! I found this awesome framed monogram done with broken crayons. The person had made it for her child’s teachers but I thought it would be a really cute thing to put in a child’s nursery.  Wouldn’t this….Broken Crayon Wall Art…look adorable in a nursery or playroom? Seems pretty simple to make, too! I think I would spell out the child’s name. That site has so many great ideas. I find myself saying, “I would never think to use ________ for ________” many times! I have many of the projects bookmarked on this computer so that I can go back later and make some of the things.

In baby making news, I should be at my most fertile the week of the 19th. I’m praying that this is the month because I’d love to give M his first child as a birthday gift. It’d be a late birthday gift (I calculate I’d be due Jan 9 and his birthday is Jan 6, I also tend to ovulate later in my cycle so it’d probably put our due date a little later) but still an awesome gift! I even know how I’m going to tell him! It’s a cute idea and I know he’ll be surprised. I’d write about it but he reads this and I don’t want to ruin the surprise! I really can’t wait to see him as a father. He’ll be incredible. I can’t wait to see his face when we’re finding out, feeling the baby move for the first time, seeing his son or daughter, and so many more firsts. My husband is a sensitive man and I know he’ll be an emotional wreck, as will I, and I can’t wait to experience all of it with him!

I suppose that I should end this. I’m getting tired again and think I’m going to nap until a better hour. Waking up at 1:30 am (I fell asleep fairly early in the evening) just messes up my sleeping schedule. I’m trying to keep with a normal schedule, waking up in the morning and going to be at night, not the other way around!

Add a comment 2011/04/08
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Hope and Faith

These are the things I have when I think of our future together. My husband and mine, I mean. As long as he is by my side I have nothing to fear of the future. Together we’re a united front against anything the world throws our way. I definitely know that things won’t always be perfect, we’re going to have our disagreements, but the love we share is real and nothing will take away from that.

This journal is going to be for me, I think. Somewhere to write the things that I don’t want friends and family knowing yet. The journey of trying to conceive, newlywed bliss (everyone is tired of hearing our cheesy romantic lines haha), and all the ups and downs that makes my life as beautiful and chaotic as it is. This journal will be where I can talk about my attempts at being a good Christian wife. Of working to stay on a path that G-d smiles on. So, for my first post I think I will write a list of goals for myself.

I will try to remember that my husband is head of the household. G-d gave us roles to fulfill and I will work towards being the heart of the home, not the head. I am created out of man who is created out of G-d. It is my job to be submissive to my husband. It is an honor to be given this role and I will work to stick with my role.

I will continue working towards being “fruitful”. Besides, trying is lots of fun!(-crosses fingers for this month- If we get pregnant this month, our baby would be due in the beginning of January. A wonderful birthday gift for M!) Seeing M with our nieces makes me want so badly to make him a father. He’s amazing with kids, even if he’s nervous about being a good father, but I know that the patient and loving man I married was pretty much made to be a daddy.

I will go to school and better myself which will in turn better our lives. I will do things that are pleasing to my husband because he’s an amazing man and deserves it. (Surprise dinners, cuddles, etc…just show my love for the incredible man G-d brought to me!). Getting my Sociology degree will open up so many doors for us. M will be a doctor (eventually!) and I’ll work in social work. I’m not sure if I want to do adoptions or take children out of dangerous situations but I feel that my life is being pulled in that direction. I’ve enrolled at the local community college and hopefully will be approved for the financial aid. The process confuses me but I’m pushing through and am praying that I’ll be in classes come fall.

M and I are truly blessed. We have a nice house, great family (my in laws really are incredible), and a future that is wide open and ready for us to fill it. I honestly can’t wait. I look at M and my heart catches because to me he is the most incredible and beautiful man I have EVER met. I get so overwhelmed by the amount of love I feel for him and know that he feels for me. How did I get so very lucky?

On that note, I’m going to end this. I’m going to make it another goal to write in this at least once a week. I have another one but this one is definitely more private, of course M could read it if he wanted. I just meant family and friends are going to be shut out. I feel that I need something for me and this is it. Writing is so healing!

Add a comment 2011/04/07
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