Don’t ask me, I’m making this up as I go!

2011/04/11 esperanzafe

Today was amazing. The weather was beautiful and M, my brother, my sister, mom,  and my sister in law all headed to the local park for a picnic. After that we went to the Nature Park and wandered around. Mom’s back started hurting pretty bad so we dropped her back off and then went back to the Nature Park where we walked the trails and took lots and lots of pictures. It was a very mentally healing day. It made me feel incredible to spend so much time with my family. I rely on my family very much for mental stability. I’m trying to break away from them and be more independent but when I do I can’t seem to function. I get so depressed.

I believe the weekend was healing partly because I got to hang out with my brother. See, my brother got into drugs and became VERY abusive and mean. He’s been clean and is doing a lot better. It’s nice to have him back. Him and his wife are getting along a lot better too. I’m very proud of him, it’s nice to have him back.

I dyed my hair today too. It’s a lighter brown, more summer-ish. It’s also getting longer. I took pictures of myself and my cleavage was showing in the pics and M said he didn’t want me to put them on the internet. Then he was upset with himself for being controlling about it. I told him I didn’t mind at all, and I don’t. I understand. I edited the pics and put the more modest ones up. Why would I be upset about my husband not wanting sexy photos of me on the internet? I explained to him that I am submissive to him. He is the man in the relationship. Maybe it’s old fashioned and people will disagree, especially feminists (although, I’d like to point out the feminism is a choice and I CHOOSE to obey my husband.), but this is how I believe our marriage will work. With G-d in our marriage, following his laws, we won’t fall apart. So many marriages disintegrate and I believe it’s lack of trying, lack of G-d, and lack of prayer that causes this. It’s too easy to get divorced nowadays. People give up so easily. I’m not totally opposed to divorce. My parents got divorced after 14 years, BUT, my father was into some terrible things which I’d rather not get into in this post, he refused to get counseling, and was very abusive. In that case it made sense for my mother to leave. I’d also like to point out that my mother never remarried, never dated, never put her children in a dangerous situation with strange men. She believes in a Christian marriage, even though the papers said she was divorced, G-d says you’re married til death.

Anyway, all of us ended up going to McDonalds to enjoy an ice cream cone after wards. It was delicious. M and I paid for everyone but it was only 2.70 for all of us to get an ice cream cone.  Not too bad.

M has a job interview tomorrow at a local factory. I’m praying like crazy that he gets this job. It would solve a lot of our problems. We need an income bad. I’m applying at a local pizza place as well. I’m going to try to get in as a delivery driver. We have 2 vehicles, I think I”d use the truck. It’s older and I’d rather not put the wear and tear on our nicer car. If I can get in as a delivery driver that would be awesome because I’d make tips. I love the tipping industry. Sometimes I hate it though too, on bad nights, haha. My other thought is to apply at the sandwich making place here, and there is a restaurant up the road that uses waitresses. I need a job. My phone is shut off, good thing I was smart enough to put in applications with M’s phone number!

M and I have been watching Heroes on Netflix. I LOVE this show.

I think my husband is probably the sweetest man ever. For example, he wears my  dog tags from my time in the Army. I love that. It’s so sweet. He also wears my tan ACU t shirts. They fit him better than his other shirts. He’s lost so much weight in the past year. We bought a pair of jeans at the Salvation Army for around 3 dollars and they look incredible on him. I can’t wait for us to have some money and go back to the thrift store to get more clothes that will fit him.

I guess I should end this post. I’ll put up a picture from our wonderful time at the park today.

This is true love!

We had such a wonderful time. I’m still giddy over the day!


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April 2011

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